T H E B O Y S (2017)

Growing up, I wasn’t really interested in guys from a romantic standpoint.. unless they gave me money. Unless, they could provide something I couldn’t provide for myself. Unless, they gave me the attention I wanted, but didn’t know how to receive.

It wasn’t until I got to college that I really started exploring that arena of life.

Arena. I always saw dating as a game, due to my upbringing, I had a hard time believing I could be loved, and I was way too afraid to be in love myself.

But crushes? they came and went. Boys could be cute, but true love was a vulnerable thing I subconsciously told myself lead to instability, and pain.

I’m a product of that after all.

My friends dated, and they often tried to will me into talking to different boys, but I was picky, and not for good reason.

I was just scared.

I knew what I liked.. You know, the unapproachable guys, the ones that always seemed like they had something to hide, but somehow drew everyone to them and seemed to always have things under control.

The problem is, those kinds of guys could give a crap about your heart, because a long time ago, for reasons unrelated to you, their heart was broken by a woman.

And although that woman wasn’t you, it might as well have been, you might as well pay for the previous woman’s mistakes.

So they often would make me pay for things I couldn’t or shouldn’t account for, and I often made them pay for my delusional expectations.